Shine the Light

This picture was taken about two years after my late husband past. I made all my goals happen in 2016 in my first health challenge with 1FitWidow. I devoured the teachings and focused on myself like I hadn’t ever really done before. I rode the high of my accomplishments and was grateful for my health. I felt at peace. I felt strong and capable. Physically better than I had even before Gage died. 

At some point, an insidious whisper snuck into my head, “What’s the point?”

While I was physically the healthiest I had ever been, my emptiness didn’t go away like I wanted it to. I learned that my grief is truly here to stay and my life is stuck in a loop of just doing the right thing now that he’s gone. Be strong for the kids, make them a home with love, and work hard to give them opportunities. I started to wonder if this was it. Is this the best it’ll be? Then it isn’t good enough.

I’m not asking for my grief to go away. I know it can’t. And I know it’s made me see the world in a way I would have never done before. The light has been turned on and I can’t let it go out. I just don’t know what to do with all the empty space it’s showing me.