The Fighter

How many times will I get to this point? Grinding away and trying to hold everything together as my life and the lives tied to me shift and struggle. You can’t hide from the world if you want to stay in it. You can’t shut your eyes and fall to the ground for long, because you have to get back up if you want to keep moving. Somehow you need to gather the strength to find your feet. 

For me, I have no time to fall. I’ve got too many lives relying on me, two of which make my heart flip when I think of things that I can’t control. It doesn’t matter how much I strategize or push to make things the way I feel are best for them. I can’t make everything better or easier. I can’t shelter them from doubt, heartbreak, or tragedy. I can’t make the world bend away from them.

I’ve learned from my old days of martial arts that you can’t force energy; you need to flow with it. Those who truly understand this wisdom, master the art. Conjure up an image of Bruce Lee and you’ll see what I mean. 

I am obviously not a master of any form, but especially not Life, which contains that similar relentless flow. Instead of squaring up with an opponent in a ring, life plays by no rules of engagement. Most times I feel like I’m bracing against it or battered down with no warning. In the moments when I slip into that sweet spot where I am lifted by doing nothing at all are magical and fleeting. 

As a mother, I see this same struggle in my kids. Hardships a thousand times over have already visited my sweet ones. But I know more are coming. Everyone needs these teachers, even as their loved ones peek through their fingers. My job is to help make them strong, kind, and comfortable with vulnerability. Teach them how to get back up and help others, too.

When they were young, a fall and a scrape could be met with a hug and a band aid until the moment passed. Complexity comes with growing up, so I need to learn how to flow with what comes their way. I need to learn when to block, when to strike, and when to get out of the way to recognize which fight is truly mine. Because I’m not the only fighter in the field if I’ve done my job right as a parent.