uncovering the hidden world of grief
I’ve done the right thing for myself as well as the kids with this move. This is the first time in seven years that I can truly say that. Even Bella is enjoying the routine. Long walks multiple times a day. Visits to the kennel to hang with other dogs. She adapts so well to... Continue Reading →
Seven years ago, we were quietly celebrating another wedding anniversary. I had no idea it was going to be our last one that we enjoyed together. Everything that came afterwards irrevocably changed me. Sometimes it makes me so angry that no words come. There is only a dark knowing of how wrong it is. Other... Continue Reading →
I’m excited for our upcoming move away from this town and towards new experiences. Packing some of the kitchen today, I worked on what can stay in a box for a few months. An easy rhythm came to me. Reach, pull, wrap, pack. Music helped me keep pace. Then my hand grabbed the old glass... Continue Reading →
I noticed a hole had worn through my flannel shirt at the elbow when I put it on today. The paper thin material had finally gave way and it filled me with dread. This old flannel was there with me the night my husband died, covering me when I turned off the machines and said... Continue Reading →
This is my June 2nd, in the middle of a global pandemic and social unrest spilling into riots over longstanding issues. I wonder if we can use all this heartache to find lasting solutions. There is no easy way. I’m exhausted. Embattled. Raw and empty. Mostly because I need to find a meaningful way to... Continue Reading →
Fall has always been special to me. Summer air gives way to cooler nights, making me want to sit under the stars before the winter wind comes. Trees burn red, orange, and yellow against a bright blue sky. The season is a fleeting gift that can pass me by if I don’t take a moment... Continue Reading →
For a long time, I wondered about the last words we never shared just before he died. I was driving home when he collapsed in the garage with heart failure after sending our two young children off to do their chores. He never regained consciousness. I said my last words to his empty body after... Continue Reading →
It took me a long time to call myself a widow. I foolishly thought that if I didn’t give myself the label, then I wouldn’t become one. That didn’t stop the whole world from calling out the truth, starting with the night I turned off his machines to let him go. Earlier that morning, I... Continue Reading →
The Unseen Widow 