Reset

I’ve been reading through some old writing, remembering the stronger person that I used to be. The person who pushed through darkness, stood up to fear, and stepped into the unknown. Who led with instinct and love, guiding me even when I had no idea where I was heading. 

At some point, I had a sinking suspicion that I would slip into a comfortable compliance with the world around me. Forget all that I walked through, what I built, and how I got here. When I would lose touch with the strength and fire that I found after Gage died. It’s a dangerous spot to be in.

Shit. 

So here are some words from my past self to remind me of what matters.

 I’m taking on this challenge because I’m scared that I will miss out on my life and let the fear win. Fear of the pain helps me build walls, find excuses, and focus on other priorities. All this will stop me from being truly happy. I may be safe, but not fulfilled.

Deep down I know that I’m stronger than my pain because I beat it back before. I looked my worst fear in the eye and survived when my husband died. I can’t control all of what will come to me in my life, but I can control how I face it. And I chose to face life standing strong. 

As a mother, I need to show my kids that they are stronger than their fears and doubts. Their happiness is worth taking those opportunities when they present themselves. They have seen the hard parts of life and I need to balance that with the good. I need to show them how to live with intention, so they are not swept up in the waves of life.

I want to arm myself with knowledge of how to take care of myself and my family in many ways – food, fitness, health, and personal growth. I want to be present for the moments in my life and not be held down by the pain of of the past or the worry for the future. Instead, I want to be grateful.